How to Wander Happily, Part 2
Paradoxical and Philosophical Travel Tips
This is the second post of a two-part series. Last week we discussed personal and practical travel tips. This week we’ll consider a paradox of travel: The more we plan ahead, the more spontaneous we can be. We’ll close with some thoughts about the meaning of travel in our lives.
Recently there has been something of a backlash against travel, with highbrow publications such as the New Yorker making “The Case Against Travel.” Sophisticates become jaded about popular destinations; in the words of Yogi Berra, “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
Many of us lack the time and money for traveling, and some people just aren’t interested in visiting other places. And that’s ok. Readers of last week’s post will be surprised to learn that I used to be one of those people. As an introvert and a homebody, I did almost no traveling until we moved overseas about a decade ago. Traveling seemed nervous-making and too much hassle when life at home1 was so pleasant. And yet travel has so greatly improved my life that I now recommend it to everyone. The paradox of travel is that to get the most from it, we need to take risks and put in some effort—but our investment will be richly rewarded, not just with fond memories and enviable photos to post on social media, but also with greater understanding of and compassion for our fellow travelers here on earth.
In fact, one source of the travel backlash may be that we expect too much. When we embark on our vacations, we hope for effortless pleasures, renewed relationships, and an expanded outlook. But we don’t remember that there will also be frustrations and hassles. The following paradoxical tips will help offset potential problems so that we can get more meaning and enjoyment from our trips.
Paradoxical Tips
Plan ahead. I know, I know. We all like to think of ourselves as so footloose and fancy-free that Zooey Deschanel could play us in a movie. But waiting in long lines—inevitable if we don’t plan ahead—isn’t very Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Neither is wandering around having no idea where anything is and getting progressively more frustrated and disappointed. Put simply, if we don’t plan, we miss out and waste our limited vacation time. The way we free ourselves up for spontaneous experiences is to figure out a few sights we’d really like to see and, if they’re popular, to book them in advance. And then we can enjoy (to take a personal example) waltzing past the three-hour line right into the Vatican Museum, leaving plenty of time for meandering and serendipity in the afternoon.
But get sidetracked. If you ask people about their most memorable travel experiences, a surprising number of us will mention those we just chanced upon. For example, on a visit to Berlin, my husband noticed a sign in a rowhouse window advertising fair-trade chocolate. Of course we had to pop in! The proprietor, a rangy fellow sporting a magnificent man-bun, guided us through a tasting of several varieties of chocolate and gave us an impromptu lesson on how cacao is grown and on the ecological and political challenges farmers face. Another delicious detour occurred on a family trip to Norway, when we were out for a walk and my sister-in-law Ro spotted a sign for a place up the hill called Ciderhuset. Our cider flights were so delicious that we returned the next day for a private tour conducted by the owner (which you can read more about here).
Sometimes you just have to turn the corner. I took the two photos below from a visit to the Louvre. The crowd around the Mona Lisa was, not to put too fine a point on it, bonkers. But just across the hall was another beautiful Leonardo, which was totally bereft of admirers, so my daughter, Casey, and I were able to study it in peace.
Figure out what is an indulgence for you and indulge in it. As Paurvi puts it, “Upgrade your experience (whatever upgrade means to you) without hesitation, whenever possible.” This might be dinner at a Michelin-star restaurant, a shopping expedition, a spa day, or a visit to a gallery to purchase a work by a local artist. Whatever you especially enjoy, you will not regret treating yourself at least once.
But be pragmatic too. It may feel like a contradiction, but the more pragmatic we are, the more relaxed and carefree we will be. Here are a few ideas that, while not glamorous, will relieve the anxieties that could spoil our fun:
Pack umbrellas as well as sunglasses, so that regardless of what the weather throws at us, we can be out exploring (and, superstitiously, it feels like the mere act of packing umbrellas will ward off the rain).
Casey says, “I learned from a five-hour Amtrak delay to ALWAYS BRING A BOOK!”
Fatima says, “Consider medical insurance while traveling. We have had people from Australia get severely injured in Yosemite and the people easily racked up a $2.1 million bill. This is one less headache while traveling.”
Make and stick to a budget to avoid worries about overspending. We will feel better about splurging on, say, one luxurious dinner if we are more frugal at our other meals.
And speaking of money, being pick-pocketed can ruin your day, and even the whole trip. Keep your wallet in your front pocket or inside jacket pocket, and wear your purse across your body and zipped closed. In heavily touristed areas, where pickpockets hang out, keep your hand near your wallet or over your purse for added security.
Split up. Not everyone in your group will enjoy the same activities, and rather than forcing everyone to do everything together (which leads to arguments about what to do that day), we will be happier if we sometimes go our separate ways and meet up later to compare notes. For example, I am as pale as a cave fish and get sunburned on the way to the mailbox, so I don’t enjoy the beach. For many years, we took a beach vacation with my husband’s family in Rehoboth, Delaware, which happens to be the home of my favorite beer, Dogfish Head. No one else in the family was particularly interested in this beer (the more fools they!), so every day while they went to the beach, my son, Noah—who is a huge fan of burgers and pub food—and I would stroll over to the Dogfish Head brew pub for lunch. We devoured hearty meals, I sampled beer flights, and the rest of the family basked in the sun. A win-win!
But let every member of your group pick one thing everyone does. Kids enjoy contributing to trip-planning, and they often come up with creative ideas that wouldn’t occur to us adults. Because of Casey’s love of animals, we have visited zoos and aquariums in several cities. These places are not only fun but also offer a fascinating glimpse into communities (young families and school kids) that tourists don’t usually encounter. Noah, a military history buff, once requested a visit to the military history museum in Stockholm, which turned out to be fascinating, informative, and free—and as a bonus, as we departed we were accompanied by a military parade, which set out from the museum’s courtyard with much pomp and fanfare.
Trust your instincts. This lesson is especially important for female travelers. If something feels off in a situation, go with your gut. On a visit to Jamaica, a man once offered me a private tour of a cannabis farm in his van. Um, no thank you. Even if a situation isn’t dangerous, it might be a rip-off, and it’s ok to refuse such dubious offers as those woven bracelets that, like greatness, are thrust upon us—and then the thruster demands a hefty payment for his wares. Just say no.
But let go of skepticism and give it a try. That being said, a writer I greatly admire, Rutger Bregman, makes a convincing case that it’s better to be scammed once in a while than to go through life constantly suspicious of and closed off from other people. Saying yes can lead to meaningful experiences and remind us that most people are helpful, friendly, and good. Many years ago, on a trip to Israel, we visited Abu Ghosh, an Arab village. As we got out of the car, a man approached us and offered to show us around the town. I was initially wary,2 but we agreed to go with him, and he took us on a lovely and informative tour. After about an hour, he left us off near a restaurant he liked, which served some of the finest felafel we have ever tasted. He refused our offer of payment because he said that he considered us to be guests in his town, and he wanted to make us feel welcome.
One final story. Last month when we were in Turin, I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a special meal. I picked out a vegetarian restaurant, and my husband called to reserve a table. We arrived early and encountered a locked door—and, worse, the menu on display made it clear that the restaurant was not simply vegetarian, but vegan. We briefly considered ghosting the restaurant and took a walk around the block to consider our options, but we decided to give it a try. We returned to the restaurant, and an older man unlocked the door and ushered us in. The restaurant featured a delicious and inventive prix-fixe tasting menu with multiple courses that were creatively prepared and presented. For each course, the waiter talked about how the dish was prepared and introduced us to the Piedmontese ingredients they used. I opted for the customized wine-pairings, and our hostess told us about the local vineyards and explained her reasoning in choosing each wine to complement each course. The meal was a delicious learning experience.
But this isn’t the only reason I was so grateful we hadn’t ditched the restaurant. During our dinner it became apparent3 that we were the restaurant’s only guests. They had opened up just for us! I later learned that the older man was the owner, the chef was his son, and the hostess and sommelier (sommelieuse?) was his daughter. Because of our (and their) leap of faith, we enjoyed a special dinner created and served by a local family, just for us.
Philosophical Tips
Travel offers us the opportunity to reflect on and learn from our experiences. An important lesson for a planner like me is that much as we would like everything to go perfectly, we will nonetheless encounter disappointments, long lines, unfriendly locals, missed flights, lost luggage, and other inconveniences, both major and minor. As the saying goes, we can’t choose what happens, but we can choose how we respond to it. A particularly stressful example of this lesson occurred when Casey was thirteen years old and traveled with her speech and debate team to Azerbaijan for a tournament.4 The flight back from Baku was delayed, and the team missed their connecting flight in Istanbul. They had to wait in line for more than an hour to obtain tourist visas, and it was after midnight when they finally checked in to the airport hotel. Everyone had to be up again at 5am for an early flight home. The whole debacle was grueling, and Casey was rightly proud of herself for how well she managed to keep her cool. I try to remember her self-control when I am tempted to pitch a conniption fit over minor snafus.
My friends have additional suggestions for how we can make travel meaningful even when things go awry. Erin recommends that we “consider the actual traveling part as part of the trip, not just a necessary evil to endure while I get where I want to go.” C notes that if we don’t have the money for overseas travel, we can also travel right here at home: “There are benefits to going out and seeing all the beauty that your own country has to offer, especially a country as large and diverse as the US.”
Gil has advice for how we can connect with people as we travel:
Push yourself to talk to strangers. There is even research that shows we all feel better about our lives after such positive encounters. A couple of tips here:
The initial reach out will be awkward, so be patient.
Be curious—ask a question that comes to mind.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Bring a snack to share.
And it’s ok to fail; not everyone wants to chat.
Use these tips with gate agents, flight attendants, hotel staff, and other service types you encounter too. Most people just treat them like wallpaper, and they have so much experience and insight they can offer.
Chesterton advocates
Travel[ing] while you’re young and broke, because if you wait until you have the money you won’t have the time, and also because you’ll wind up having a lot of weird experiences. I’d probably be too cranky and set in my ways now to roll with the stuff I put up with while traveling when I was young! … [And] keep a diary.
Candy offers an important reminder:
Just be grateful for the ability to travel at all. Most people throughout history and many even now in the world have not been able to fly or motor from place to place. We have gotten to do this. We’ve been able to see people who live on the other side of the world safely, communicate effectively, not contract life-threatening illnesses due to vaccinations, and then be able to return home to our loved ones.
Finally, Lee, who has been all around the world, knows whereof he speaks when he offers the best travel advice of all: “Do it, often.”
How about you, readers? What was your most meaningful travel experience? Please share your thoughts in the comments!
The Tidbit
Another advantage to our private dinner at the vegan restaurant: There was no background chatter to drown out the wonderful music the hostess chose. “Who IS that?!” we asked her, and she introduced us to Fabrizio De André, an Italian guitarist and singer who has a soulful bass voice that seems to emanate from beneath the earth.
This was in the New Jersey suburbs. Don’t laugh at me—it really is nice there! We were an hour from the mountains to the west, the beach to the east, and New York City to the north. Plus walkable towns, mature trees, friendly neighbors, and classic diners. What’s not to like?
On the topic of how difficult it is to let go of suspicion and recognize the humanity in people on “the other side,” I recommend this beautiful essay by Shalom Auslander.
Not only did no other customers arrive, but as soon as our final course was served, both the chef and the waiter took off.
Amusingly, Azerbaijan is in the Central European conference, which raises the question of what places could possibly be in the Eastern European conference. Mongolia? Kamchatka? Alaska?