My husband commented one day, about 10 years ago, as to how grey my hair was getting. I told him if he wanted me to spend about $200 a month to keep talking! He didn’t!! I love how my hair has gone grey and often get compliments on the color. I do regularly get cuts as I wear it short but that’s all!
Funny true from a friend who had undergone cancer treatments and lost her hair. She was at with a group of us wearing a headscarf, she decided to take it off and show us her new look. We all congratulated her on her bravery. She then said why is it after losing her hair the hair that grew back first were the chin and upper lip hairs!!! And they were dark and wirery!!!! We all laughed at the thought!!
As a perimenopausal woman and fellow member of the We Do Not Care Club, this message is timely. Every day as I wipe my shedding hair off the bathroom counter, I contemplate where this once thick head of hair will land (follicularly, that is — hoping to keep my head!). I also wish I’d had a Master Jeff cross my path when I was in elementary school — what a gem!
I confess I am not a fan of how my hair keeps thinning either (for one thing, it means I have to vacuum more!). But I look at it as a chance to accept these changes with grace.
Until recently military had hygiene standards that I think had more to do with being ready and not fussing with personal looks.
A friend who is a CSM in NG has told me that recent recruits spend more time trimming beards, adding braids, applying false eyelashes, etc.and this had impacted readiness for their primary missions.This state's NG units were aiding flood and hurricane victims.
I don't think it has anything to do with Hegseth's ethnicity.
My father and husband--both active military in WWII and VN--must have served before beards were OK as until the day they died both shaved every morning. I attended many reunions of combat miliary police and they all seemed to have continued being clean-shaven. I don't know when the shift occurred. After VN at least. I recently read a book about the evacuation at Dunkirk and some of the officers almost didn't make the boats as they had to shave before rallying the troops. That was British army.
I am a proud cheapskate. My Honda Odyssey is 21 years old and has visible rust. I could buy a newer car easily but that's not a fun way to spend money. And I have never bought a new car. I typically buy something about 8-10 years old.
But hair: I like it. I think everyone looks better with lots of hair, except those men who can rock the Yul Brynner look. I think it's very individual, in that a person needs to figure out how their hair should look based on their face, the type of hair they have, and at some point age matters. Elderly people with dark-dyed hair look "wrong" to me; also, elderly men or women with too-long hair look sort of witchy or gnomey.
I'm fortunate: still have all my thick hair at 71, and it's about 60% gray now. It's a bit longer than the hair of most men my age, but not long like it was when I was 17. Can't do that with a 71-year old face or with mostly gray hair, although I am flirting with a little bit of a mullet.
My ex-wife is very beautiful, and she still dyes all the gray away. At 68, this still works for her. But in a few years it won't.
I agree about the dark-dyed hair, but witchy or no, I plan to keep my long hair for as long as nature allows. And longish, graying hair on men is a terrific look—lucky you!
My ex-wife doesn't like the hint of a mullet, but I polled my students a few days ago, and they like it. I do see old men sometimes who have really long (not longish) hair, and they look sort of ridiculous to me. Part of the problem is that for many of us, the texture of gray hair has changed from its youthful texture. It gets sort of wiry and chaotic. The mad professor look, or the look of a man who is not sufficiently self-aware.
I think you, Mari, can rock the long hair bc you don't have a witchy face. Your face is very happy and benevolent.
One thing missing from this discussion is the idea of doing something with one’s hair in order to stand out, rather than fit in (or perhaps another way of looking at this would be that “beauty,” per se, isn’t the point). A few years ago, my husband first grew out then starting dying his hair — first purple, then a mixture of red, blue, purple, and occasionally green. It’s fun, and it keeps people from making the kinds of assumptions they did about him as a middle-aged white man with a close-cropped ‘do. Doing things to/with one’s hair doesn’t have to be the result of insecurity about whether one’s natural look is “good enough.”
Ideas about what is beautiful came to mind when a friend, who has had the luck to be a pretty woman, one whom everyone finds attractive - showed me some pictures from her own Big Family Event. As so much of life is now done for photographic effect, it is frequently - for all I know, always - the fashion to hire stylists for all the young women involved. And makeup necessarily involves a heavy hand. Thus the mothers got roped in also. Hopefully this was fun for all. Probably? But I was surprised, and for a moment all I could think was - she doesn’t look like herself in any of these pictures …
I grew out my highlights when I was out of the country last year and my natural gray is my only color now. I really like it. Skipping color is about saving money, yes, but also for me saving time, and the need to be constantly monitoring and thinking about my color. Are my roots visible? Do I need to touch them up? For me, that worry felt so disempowering. Plus, there are so many men with gray hair whose wives color their gray. What's up with that? Duh--patriarchy. I feel better letting my hair be, though I still get nice haircuts, because those feel good and I love my stylist.
I think it’s generational too. Grey hair is more fashionable than in the past? I have teased my mother, whose hair ranges color depending on which box she last purchased at the grocery store, that her increasingly grey-headed daughter possibly hinders the effect.
Good point! We have a freedom our mothers did not. And our grandmothers--can you imagine getting a curl and set every week? Though maybe it was a fun ritual.
There is a social aspect to it, definitely. Once she was explaining about buying a baby gift for a Facebook friend, and I couldn’t really understand the connection of this person to her, since she doesn't use antecedents. Finally, it turned out it was the much-anticipated baby *nephew* of the guy at the salon who washed her hair.
There have also been many little offerings of gifts to me over the years: little purses, bracelets, and so on. These wares are peddled to the women captive at the salon. Something else to look forward to - somebody walking in with a tray of imported goods from which to choose, something she cannot resist!
One of her longest running bridge groups was partly constituted of women her best friend knew from getting their hair done on the same day.
I can’t imagine spending as much (any, really) time on my hair, as she does, nor a lifetime of forgoing swimming or being outdoors or getting sweaty generally “because I had my hair done”.
But there is something to the pampering. Neither she nor my long-dead grandmother would have *ever* gotten something as decadent as a massage, nor wish to - yet I suspect there is some enjoyment of being touched. I know Mother loves her manicure and especially pedicure, for reasons that can’t have much to do with the end result.
I was rolling my eyes when I happened to be there, when the woman came to the house who now does her mani/pedi - clients mostly old ladies though I think a few old men too! I’m far too cheap, my nails are tools, and I have - big surprise - my own very different aesthetic opinions about nails.
Then I saw that it was probably the most relaxing thing that will happen to her in a week of running off her feet caregiving for her husband. The lady even brings a foot bath thing. And how sweetly she chatted with her the whole time, and patient as Mother pored at length over the colors, naturally wanting a particular one she hadn’t brought that week.
There came a day when my husband went for his haircut, at the “Sportclips” - and the young woman trimmed his hair, and said “no charge” 🙃.
It’s funny you posted this, this week, as I got my haircut professionally for the first time in years, in anticipation of a family wedding at which I felt a ponytail, and that usually further scrunched into a ball, with a baseball cap, Texas official state style - would ill suit the sheath dress I bought.
The professional cut was only at a strip center chain, the sort of place which in the past has yielded results similar to my own, but the lady effortlessly turned my rather coarse brunette with white frizzies mop into Breck girl, with 2 different sprays (one just for “humidity”) and mousse run through and skillful blowing out I never do. (I own an old Gillette hairdryer, circa 1982, but last used it years ago to quickly dry some paint.) (I told her sententiously that my mother’s hairdresser of many many years has recently been out with rotator cuff surgery on account of all that arm rolling.)
The part I most enjoy at these four or five year intervals is having someone else wash my hair, but we were chatting and she inquired about children and grandchildren, and so I asked her in turn if she had grandchildren. Because I had taken off my glasses for this event I hadn’t really gotten a chance to look at her, so then I felt kinda bad when she said she had an eight-year-old and a one year-old. I was apologizing and telling her I couldn’t see very well, and so I basically missed my favorite part.
She also told me that I shouldn’t use the hard water shampoo I have been using *every* time, because we’re on a limestone aquifer. And there I had felt so pro-active for making the trip to the Sally Beauty Supply to buy it.
I also as per usual was readily persuaded to buy something from the salon - a leave-in conditioner - which in theory will be easier than traditional conditioning and rinsing. We’ll see.
I was on a group text with some girlfriends, who demanded a picture of my cut and temporarily touchably soft hair. They professed to be pleased.
I promised them I would never wash it so it would stay this way forever.
No, Natural hair is not considered beautiful except by people whose natural hair fits the dominant narrative of beauty. I have very unruly curly hair and endured school years of being teased as a "Brillo pad. Yes, hair relaxers are costly but the alternative is to be a joke or cut it all off.
I am so sorry that happened to you, Kathleen. For the record, I think your curls are glorious. But I do get that there are strong prejudices in our culture against everything except straight blonde hair. It’s such a waste.
My husband commented one day, about 10 years ago, as to how grey my hair was getting. I told him if he wanted me to spend about $200 a month to keep talking! He didn’t!! I love how my hair has gone grey and often get compliments on the color. I do regularly get cuts as I wear it short but that’s all!
Funny true from a friend who had undergone cancer treatments and lost her hair. She was at with a group of us wearing a headscarf, she decided to take it off and show us her new look. We all congratulated her on her bravery. She then said why is it after losing her hair the hair that grew back first were the chin and upper lip hairs!!! And they were dark and wirery!!!! We all laughed at the thought!!
Your friend sounds terrific! Good for her! And I will compliment you on your hair color too—it is so pretty!
Two missing words “story” and “at dinner”!
As a perimenopausal woman and fellow member of the We Do Not Care Club, this message is timely. Every day as I wipe my shedding hair off the bathroom counter, I contemplate where this once thick head of hair will land (follicularly, that is — hoping to keep my head!). I also wish I’d had a Master Jeff cross my path when I was in elementary school — what a gem!
I confess I am not a fan of how my hair keeps thinning either (for one thing, it means I have to vacuum more!). But I look at it as a chance to accept these changes with grace.
And yes, Master Jeff is just the best.
Until recently military had hygiene standards that I think had more to do with being ready and not fussing with personal looks.
A friend who is a CSM in NG has told me that recent recruits spend more time trimming beards, adding braids, applying false eyelashes, etc.and this had impacted readiness for their primary missions.This state's NG units were aiding flood and hurricane victims.
I don't think it has anything to do with Hegseth's ethnicity.
Well fussing over their appearance is silly (false eyelashes?! absurd!), but for many men natural beards are less, not more, work.
My father and husband--both active military in WWII and VN--must have served before beards were OK as until the day they died both shaved every morning. I attended many reunions of combat miliary police and they all seemed to have continued being clean-shaven. I don't know when the shift occurred. After VN at least. I recently read a book about the evacuation at Dunkirk and some of the officers almost didn't make the boats as they had to shave before rallying the troops. That was British army.
I am a proud cheapskate. My Honda Odyssey is 21 years old and has visible rust. I could buy a newer car easily but that's not a fun way to spend money. And I have never bought a new car. I typically buy something about 8-10 years old.
But hair: I like it. I think everyone looks better with lots of hair, except those men who can rock the Yul Brynner look. I think it's very individual, in that a person needs to figure out how their hair should look based on their face, the type of hair they have, and at some point age matters. Elderly people with dark-dyed hair look "wrong" to me; also, elderly men or women with too-long hair look sort of witchy or gnomey.
I'm fortunate: still have all my thick hair at 71, and it's about 60% gray now. It's a bit longer than the hair of most men my age, but not long like it was when I was 17. Can't do that with a 71-year old face or with mostly gray hair, although I am flirting with a little bit of a mullet.
My ex-wife is very beautiful, and she still dyes all the gray away. At 68, this still works for her. But in a few years it won't.
I agree about the dark-dyed hair, but witchy or no, I plan to keep my long hair for as long as nature allows. And longish, graying hair on men is a terrific look—lucky you!
My ex-wife doesn't like the hint of a mullet, but I polled my students a few days ago, and they like it. I do see old men sometimes who have really long (not longish) hair, and they look sort of ridiculous to me. Part of the problem is that for many of us, the texture of gray hair has changed from its youthful texture. It gets sort of wiry and chaotic. The mad professor look, or the look of a man who is not sufficiently self-aware.
I think you, Mari, can rock the long hair bc you don't have a witchy face. Your face is very happy and benevolent.
Oh thank you so much! I wish you could see me beaming after reading your sweet comment!
One thing missing from this discussion is the idea of doing something with one’s hair in order to stand out, rather than fit in (or perhaps another way of looking at this would be that “beauty,” per se, isn’t the point). A few years ago, my husband first grew out then starting dying his hair — first purple, then a mixture of red, blue, purple, and occasionally green. It’s fun, and it keeps people from making the kinds of assumptions they did about him as a middle-aged white man with a close-cropped ‘do. Doing things to/with one’s hair doesn’t have to be the result of insecurity about whether one’s natural look is “good enough.”
This is a wonderful point! Your husband sounds like a cool guy!
Ideas about what is beautiful came to mind when a friend, who has had the luck to be a pretty woman, one whom everyone finds attractive - showed me some pictures from her own Big Family Event. As so much of life is now done for photographic effect, it is frequently - for all I know, always - the fashion to hire stylists for all the young women involved. And makeup necessarily involves a heavy hand. Thus the mothers got roped in also. Hopefully this was fun for all. Probably? But I was surprised, and for a moment all I could think was - she doesn’t look like herself in any of these pictures …
I grew out my highlights when I was out of the country last year and my natural gray is my only color now. I really like it. Skipping color is about saving money, yes, but also for me saving time, and the need to be constantly monitoring and thinking about my color. Are my roots visible? Do I need to touch them up? For me, that worry felt so disempowering. Plus, there are so many men with gray hair whose wives color their gray. What's up with that? Duh--patriarchy. I feel better letting my hair be, though I still get nice haircuts, because those feel good and I love my stylist.
Exactly! If gray is attractive on men, it is only logical that it is also attractive on women!
I think it’s generational too. Grey hair is more fashionable than in the past? I have teased my mother, whose hair ranges color depending on which box she last purchased at the grocery store, that her increasingly grey-headed daughter possibly hinders the effect.
Ha! You are outing her!
Good point! We have a freedom our mothers did not. And our grandmothers--can you imagine getting a curl and set every week? Though maybe it was a fun ritual.
There is a social aspect to it, definitely. Once she was explaining about buying a baby gift for a Facebook friend, and I couldn’t really understand the connection of this person to her, since she doesn't use antecedents. Finally, it turned out it was the much-anticipated baby *nephew* of the guy at the salon who washed her hair.
There have also been many little offerings of gifts to me over the years: little purses, bracelets, and so on. These wares are peddled to the women captive at the salon. Something else to look forward to - somebody walking in with a tray of imported goods from which to choose, something she cannot resist!
One of her longest running bridge groups was partly constituted of women her best friend knew from getting their hair done on the same day.
I can’t imagine spending as much (any, really) time on my hair, as she does, nor a lifetime of forgoing swimming or being outdoors or getting sweaty generally “because I had my hair done”.
But there is something to the pampering. Neither she nor my long-dead grandmother would have *ever* gotten something as decadent as a massage, nor wish to - yet I suspect there is some enjoyment of being touched. I know Mother loves her manicure and especially pedicure, for reasons that can’t have much to do with the end result.
I was rolling my eyes when I happened to be there, when the woman came to the house who now does her mani/pedi - clients mostly old ladies though I think a few old men too! I’m far too cheap, my nails are tools, and I have - big surprise - my own very different aesthetic opinions about nails.
Then I saw that it was probably the most relaxing thing that will happen to her in a week of running off her feet caregiving for her husband. The lady even brings a foot bath thing. And how sweetly she chatted with her the whole time, and patient as Mother pored at length over the colors, naturally wanting a particular one she hadn’t brought that week.
After that, I decided it was worth any money.
Awwww. I love this story. Right--never underestimate the power and importance of pampering, especially for women of that generation.
There came a day when my husband went for his haircut, at the “Sportclips” - and the young woman trimmed his hair, and said “no charge” 🙃.
It’s funny you posted this, this week, as I got my haircut professionally for the first time in years, in anticipation of a family wedding at which I felt a ponytail, and that usually further scrunched into a ball, with a baseball cap, Texas official state style - would ill suit the sheath dress I bought.
The professional cut was only at a strip center chain, the sort of place which in the past has yielded results similar to my own, but the lady effortlessly turned my rather coarse brunette with white frizzies mop into Breck girl, with 2 different sprays (one just for “humidity”) and mousse run through and skillful blowing out I never do. (I own an old Gillette hairdryer, circa 1982, but last used it years ago to quickly dry some paint.) (I told her sententiously that my mother’s hairdresser of many many years has recently been out with rotator cuff surgery on account of all that arm rolling.)
The part I most enjoy at these four or five year intervals is having someone else wash my hair, but we were chatting and she inquired about children and grandchildren, and so I asked her in turn if she had grandchildren. Because I had taken off my glasses for this event I hadn’t really gotten a chance to look at her, so then I felt kinda bad when she said she had an eight-year-old and a one year-old. I was apologizing and telling her I couldn’t see very well, and so I basically missed my favorite part.
She also told me that I shouldn’t use the hard water shampoo I have been using *every* time, because we’re on a limestone aquifer. And there I had felt so pro-active for making the trip to the Sally Beauty Supply to buy it.
I also as per usual was readily persuaded to buy something from the salon - a leave-in conditioner - which in theory will be easier than traditional conditioning and rinsing. We’ll see.
I was on a group text with some girlfriends, who demanded a picture of my cut and temporarily touchably soft hair. They professed to be pleased.
I promised them I would never wash it so it would stay this way forever.
Oh, this is such a lovely story! By far my favorite part of getting my hair cut I’d chit-chatting with the stylist.
And I am laughing about your Breck girl aside—we must be about the same age, because Breck girls were the epitome of feminine beauty for me too!
Bald is beautiful! I hope that this link works for everyone: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/a66121352/jasmine-bake-off-alopecia/
Yes! Absolutely! (And Eli is very attractive too!)
No, Natural hair is not considered beautiful except by people whose natural hair fits the dominant narrative of beauty. I have very unruly curly hair and endured school years of being teased as a "Brillo pad. Yes, hair relaxers are costly but the alternative is to be a joke or cut it all off.
I am so sorry that happened to you, Kathleen. For the record, I think your curls are glorious. But I do get that there are strong prejudices in our culture against everything except straight blonde hair. It’s such a waste.