I’m with Erin - this spoke to my soul. It made me so sad when a string of old friends started messaging me on Facebook, got halfway into a real conversation about how we were doing and where we were now, and then pivoted to the MLM pitch.
Most pernicious to me is OnlyFans, which touts branding and selling porn of yourself as an act of liberation and independence, and which has proven over time to do a lot less helping comfortable women self-actualize, and a lot more helping desperately impoverished women sell sex through pimps who manage their accounts for them and take a cut of their profits.
Some people who sell their porn keep it to a side account. Some incorporate it fully into their social media presence, and for those I know, I feel myself becoming both their friend and their customer. I hate it, and as a result I stop following them and lock myself out of the normal updates from their lives. Sometimes I simply don’t want to be a customer.
I really dislike the current trend of insisting that you complete a customer satisfaction survey for almost EVERY interaction. I even got one emailed to me after getting cash at my bank atm! What exactly were they expecting me to say. “Thank you for allowing me to access my own money.” Or under “how could we improve your experience ?” I was tempted to put. “Next time just give me the money without taking it from my account”!!!
A company will find out if I like them by my return visits.
Just yesterday my colleagues and I experienced the upsell at a local bar. We were sucked in by “happy hour” this particular restaurant used to have a great happy hour with half price appetizers and drinks. Now you get 1/2 price house drinks but the food (post pandemic) is no longer 1/2 price and indeed a flatbread now costs $17-22. That is not an appetizer price it is an entree price. After sharing food and yes a few drinks each the waitress asked about dessert, we partially fell for it with one person getting a cannoli (she didn’t enjoy it ) and one got coffee. Five people and the check was $250!!!!!
To your Pampered Chef story, I loved the parties and love the products (I literally use them everyday!). I also was a Tupperware rep about 30 years ago and actually made enough money for a vacation in Greece! But it was awkward hustling friends and I didn’t do it for very long. I still have many of those products still, they really do last forever!!!
I was thinking of this very thing today, though in reverse. I feel like every interaction I have in my new community is about being sold something. That I can't trust a person's interest in me as a person, so much as a consumer. Because I am inspired by the gift economy, I run a Buy Nothing Network, and I also run a dance class that's by donation. I don't market hard or go in for the sell, I simply answer people's questions and invite them to participate. I did an MLM many years ago and it was a disaster for me. I want relationships, more than I want or need money. Besides, I'm more likely to purchase a friend's art if they don't actually sell it to me...the operative word "a friend" and friendship takes time and work. that's not mediated by sales/consumption. Thanks for this great piece.
I agree about sales being everywhere. There’s something about the MLM that is especially unpleasant. More than once I’ve heard from an old friend out of the blue -- isn’t this nice?-- and I find out how they’ve been and a few minutes later they invite me to a “party” to buy stuff I don’t want. It’s so manipulative. And strangely, ironically, it feels so rude to say no to the inviter.
I love that story about Xerxes. I just picture the guys sort of shrugging like "yeah, the boss said to whip the water." Instructive though, the river didn't recognize Xerxes' authority.
when you are young and simply don't have the money for these buying parties, you don't go. you stay home. you miss out on meeting people and maybe creating new friendships. it's bad enough that money is tight, but now you're lonely on top of that.
Haha...having worked and ~exclusively shopped at a national grocery chain for years now that very notably does not have a rewards program (or sales/discounts of any kind), I'd almost forgotten that's A Thing that so many other places have. It's not even the constant upselling that's bothersome (sort of expect that, it's in the USA air), it's the daily pressures to cede privacy for often-false gains. That "club card" price? It's the __actual__ fair and profitable price a store is willing to sell something for. Not a deal of any kind...and customers overpay for it by handing over endless reams of data, to be sold and resold among "affiliates" who'd also dearly love to upsell you something. Worth quite a bit more than that trivial 25 cents knocked off a can of soup or whatever. It reminds me of how Facebook frequently constructed prospective profiles of people who hadn't ever signed up...it's all just shadow games, simulacra of people interacting with simulacra of people. desperately hoping to find some tiny mathematical edge on which to eke out a profit. Instead of real interpersonal connection. Sales used to be about building mutually-beneficial relationships, not a dirty word for a con game.
The tipping thing has always confused me, too, despite growing up here. My whole family has a strong norm towards tipping, especially for restaurant workers...15% by default (years before that was the norm), 30% under covid/inflation. A place has to try pretty hard not to get tipped - that's our veto vote, so to speak. Learning that the average person *does not* tip unless service is truly exceptional...that they treat menu and service prices as just what's listed...was a strange revelation. I'd always been like "how are you getting X so cheap?" and they'd be like "oh I'm too poor to tip, so it's easy" and I'd be like "???????? you earn more than I do?" Which got into deep cultural differences pretty fast. The European way seems fairer overall, and certainly more transparent. For now, though, this is one small way to keep in touch with my roots and show a little working-class solidarity. (It absolutely does secure noticeably better service, once a restaurant notices you do it consistently. TIPS - To Insure Proper Service - the most famous fake acronym of all time.)
I feel your pain! As a fiction writer, I am shocked and horrified by the cowardly new world. Instead of paying me for my work, the editors who publish my pieces expect me to be grateful for the exposure alone. And that exposure is pointless until I do my own marketing. Publishing used to be about selling to readers; now it's about selling to writers. Want to find an agent for you novel? Just pay $29 and we'll give you 10 minutes to make your pitch. Want to publish a story? Just give us $25 and we'll think about it. And if we publish you, you get ... exposure.
Relatedly: product emails. I don't mind an email for the occasional sale, or the car dealership's once-yearly pitch to get me to trade in for a newer car. But I bought two rugs from an online store, and they sent me biweekly emails to try to tempt me to buy more rugs until I unsubscribed. They're selling rugs! Rugs are large, bulky, difficult to store, and most people will only need a few. They're not food or clothing or trinkets where you might be able to get an impulse purchase. What madman told you a good business practice was spamming emails? Michaels, the craft store, was at one point sending me three-four emails every single day. At some point it just becomes begging.
My dad manages a retail store and he has often complained how "corporate" gets in the way of running a good store by over-complicating things. Be helpful to your customers and pay attention to what sells and what doesn't--that's really all you need. He also notes that elderly customers are frequently confused by all the loyalty cards/credit cards/surveys that are being pushed.
I am with you, 100%. While I have never been a very good U.S. consumer, I have over the years of my adult life become highly allergic to salespeople and ads of any kind. My finger rests on the mute button on my radio, and the fast-forward button on my Tivo. I almost never watch anything live anymore due to commercials.
When I bought my last car, I dreaded the thought of having to interact with the salespeople. I've stopped going to our local wine store chain, even though they have the best selection and prices, the clerks follow you around and keep pointing out "new and interesting wines!" for me to consider. One time after excusing myself twice to browse on my own, the clerk came back for a third try, and I had to say in my "I'm-about-to-really-lose-it" voice "PLEASE. STOP. TALKING. TO. ME." She literally huffed at me and walked away. Grrrr.
I’m with Erin - this spoke to my soul. It made me so sad when a string of old friends started messaging me on Facebook, got halfway into a real conversation about how we were doing and where we were now, and then pivoted to the MLM pitch.
Most pernicious to me is OnlyFans, which touts branding and selling porn of yourself as an act of liberation and independence, and which has proven over time to do a lot less helping comfortable women self-actualize, and a lot more helping desperately impoverished women sell sex through pimps who manage their accounts for them and take a cut of their profits.
Some people who sell their porn keep it to a side account. Some incorporate it fully into their social media presence, and for those I know, I feel myself becoming both their friend and their customer. I hate it, and as a result I stop following them and lock myself out of the normal updates from their lives. Sometimes I simply don’t want to be a customer.
I really dislike the current trend of insisting that you complete a customer satisfaction survey for almost EVERY interaction. I even got one emailed to me after getting cash at my bank atm! What exactly were they expecting me to say. “Thank you for allowing me to access my own money.” Or under “how could we improve your experience ?” I was tempted to put. “Next time just give me the money without taking it from my account”!!!
A company will find out if I like them by my return visits.
Just yesterday my colleagues and I experienced the upsell at a local bar. We were sucked in by “happy hour” this particular restaurant used to have a great happy hour with half price appetizers and drinks. Now you get 1/2 price house drinks but the food (post pandemic) is no longer 1/2 price and indeed a flatbread now costs $17-22. That is not an appetizer price it is an entree price. After sharing food and yes a few drinks each the waitress asked about dessert, we partially fell for it with one person getting a cannoli (she didn’t enjoy it ) and one got coffee. Five people and the check was $250!!!!!
To your Pampered Chef story, I loved the parties and love the products (I literally use them everyday!). I also was a Tupperware rep about 30 years ago and actually made enough money for a vacation in Greece! But it was awkward hustling friends and I didn’t do it for very long. I still have many of those products still, they really do last forever!!!
I was thinking of this very thing today, though in reverse. I feel like every interaction I have in my new community is about being sold something. That I can't trust a person's interest in me as a person, so much as a consumer. Because I am inspired by the gift economy, I run a Buy Nothing Network, and I also run a dance class that's by donation. I don't market hard or go in for the sell, I simply answer people's questions and invite them to participate. I did an MLM many years ago and it was a disaster for me. I want relationships, more than I want or need money. Besides, I'm more likely to purchase a friend's art if they don't actually sell it to me...the operative word "a friend" and friendship takes time and work. that's not mediated by sales/consumption. Thanks for this great piece.
I agree about sales being everywhere. There’s something about the MLM that is especially unpleasant. More than once I’ve heard from an old friend out of the blue -- isn’t this nice?-- and I find out how they’ve been and a few minutes later they invite me to a “party” to buy stuff I don’t want. It’s so manipulative. And strangely, ironically, it feels so rude to say no to the inviter.
I love that story about Xerxes. I just picture the guys sort of shrugging like "yeah, the boss said to whip the water." Instructive though, the river didn't recognize Xerxes' authority.
Hilarious venn.
This article spoke to my soul.
RE: pampered chef
when you are young and simply don't have the money for these buying parties, you don't go. you stay home. you miss out on meeting people and maybe creating new friendships. it's bad enough that money is tight, but now you're lonely on top of that.
Haha...having worked and ~exclusively shopped at a national grocery chain for years now that very notably does not have a rewards program (or sales/discounts of any kind), I'd almost forgotten that's A Thing that so many other places have. It's not even the constant upselling that's bothersome (sort of expect that, it's in the USA air), it's the daily pressures to cede privacy for often-false gains. That "club card" price? It's the __actual__ fair and profitable price a store is willing to sell something for. Not a deal of any kind...and customers overpay for it by handing over endless reams of data, to be sold and resold among "affiliates" who'd also dearly love to upsell you something. Worth quite a bit more than that trivial 25 cents knocked off a can of soup or whatever. It reminds me of how Facebook frequently constructed prospective profiles of people who hadn't ever signed up...it's all just shadow games, simulacra of people interacting with simulacra of people. desperately hoping to find some tiny mathematical edge on which to eke out a profit. Instead of real interpersonal connection. Sales used to be about building mutually-beneficial relationships, not a dirty word for a con game.
The tipping thing has always confused me, too, despite growing up here. My whole family has a strong norm towards tipping, especially for restaurant workers...15% by default (years before that was the norm), 30% under covid/inflation. A place has to try pretty hard not to get tipped - that's our veto vote, so to speak. Learning that the average person *does not* tip unless service is truly exceptional...that they treat menu and service prices as just what's listed...was a strange revelation. I'd always been like "how are you getting X so cheap?" and they'd be like "oh I'm too poor to tip, so it's easy" and I'd be like "???????? you earn more than I do?" Which got into deep cultural differences pretty fast. The European way seems fairer overall, and certainly more transparent. For now, though, this is one small way to keep in touch with my roots and show a little working-class solidarity. (It absolutely does secure noticeably better service, once a restaurant notices you do it consistently. TIPS - To Insure Proper Service - the most famous fake acronym of all time.)
I feel your pain! As a fiction writer, I am shocked and horrified by the cowardly new world. Instead of paying me for my work, the editors who publish my pieces expect me to be grateful for the exposure alone. And that exposure is pointless until I do my own marketing. Publishing used to be about selling to readers; now it's about selling to writers. Want to find an agent for you novel? Just pay $29 and we'll give you 10 minutes to make your pitch. Want to publish a story? Just give us $25 and we'll think about it. And if we publish you, you get ... exposure.
Relatedly: product emails. I don't mind an email for the occasional sale, or the car dealership's once-yearly pitch to get me to trade in for a newer car. But I bought two rugs from an online store, and they sent me biweekly emails to try to tempt me to buy more rugs until I unsubscribed. They're selling rugs! Rugs are large, bulky, difficult to store, and most people will only need a few. They're not food or clothing or trinkets where you might be able to get an impulse purchase. What madman told you a good business practice was spamming emails? Michaels, the craft store, was at one point sending me three-four emails every single day. At some point it just becomes begging.
My dad manages a retail store and he has often complained how "corporate" gets in the way of running a good store by over-complicating things. Be helpful to your customers and pay attention to what sells and what doesn't--that's really all you need. He also notes that elderly customers are frequently confused by all the loyalty cards/credit cards/surveys that are being pushed.
I am with you, 100%. While I have never been a very good U.S. consumer, I have over the years of my adult life become highly allergic to salespeople and ads of any kind. My finger rests on the mute button on my radio, and the fast-forward button on my Tivo. I almost never watch anything live anymore due to commercials.
When I bought my last car, I dreaded the thought of having to interact with the salespeople. I've stopped going to our local wine store chain, even though they have the best selection and prices, the clerks follow you around and keep pointing out "new and interesting wines!" for me to consider. One time after excusing myself twice to browse on my own, the clerk came back for a third try, and I had to say in my "I'm-about-to-really-lose-it" voice "PLEASE. STOP. TALKING. TO. ME." She literally huffed at me and walked away. Grrrr.
Woo, yeah, mom gets radicalized!