“On the subway, we can ask each other to please use headphones and extinguish that blunt.”
I like this idea… but I’m never going to do it. In the U.S. we don’t have a Swiss culture. We have a combative culture. People who are listening to their music out loud or smoking a blunt on the subway already understand that other people don’t like it. It isn’t an innocent mistake, like your failure to get a dog ticket. Annoying other people is part of the point. It’s narcissistic—see me! I am here—and it’s sociopathic—the burden on others is the point. It’s a projection of power.
And, for better or worse, in the U.S. your fellow citizens are a lot more likely to be carrying the means to harm you.
But mainly it’s the culture. We have bred ourselves a culture of obstreperous, potentially lethal jackasses. And it’s not something you can fix unilaterally.
You make a good point about the additional threat of violence for speaking up in the US. And I agree that a lot of that behavior is intended to annoy and dominate other people. I keep coming back to the idea of “be the second person,” though. If someone starts speaking up for considerate behavior, we can hope that someone else will join in too, as happened with me on that Chicago bus. Because I don’t think anyone likes being subjected to such rude and even abusive behavior when we’re out in public.
Yeah, I agree. And I do suspect people are less likely to escalate when more than one person is condemning them.
My perspective may be a little bit colored by having been involved in a sprawling brawl on the DC subway where, to humanity’s credit, bystanders joined in to protect someone who was being attacked. It was scary, though, and I often think of how it could have gone wrong. But we did get the attackers off the train and keep them from coming back on!
I did very little! I was, haha, the second person. A young guy tackled the primary assailant and pushed him out of the subway car; his friends followed them out onto the platform. All this happened in what seemed like a blur, while I felt like I was stuck in slow motion trying to figure out how to react. But eventually I kind of came unstuck, and I ran out into the platform and grabbed the young guy, who by this time was in the middle of a scrum of attackers, and hauled him back into the train car. Then a bunch of people stood in the doors so the attackers couldn’t come back in until someone could get the engineer to close the doors.
It was 100 percent a group effort — but you’re right about the importance of that first young guy who put himself on the line. It unblocked the dam for a whole bunch of other people to stand up and take group action.
But, again — in hindsight it was kind of risky, too. These were just kids who wanted a fight and nobody pulled a gun or a knife. But that possibility lurks. I get why people get stuck and don’t do anything.
Sadly, this is all true! I can’t help but think of that one scene in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, the movie where the Enterprise has to go back in time to the 1980s to save the whales. Kirk and Spock are on a city bus in San Francisco and a dude in a punk getup is blasting his boombox. Kirk asks him to turn it down, the punk turns it up louder. Finally, Spock reaches over and gives the punk the Vulcan nerve pinch and he slumps over, knocking the boombox into silence. Everyone applauds.
On a more serious note, 30+ years later I still regret not speaking up when coming across a group of young men throwing rocks at a snake on a hiking trail. In my defense, I was a young woman hiking alone and I did not feel comfortable confronting the group. I like to think I would have done so had there been more people around.
I remember seeing that movie in the theater, and when Spock shut down the boombox, the audience clapped!
And definitely don’t feel guilty about not speaking up about the snake. That could have become a dangerous situation for you. I wish I had been there with you. I love snakes, and we could have confronted the young men together.
And as a Trekkie I can’t believe I just wrote that the Enterprise went back in time. It wasn’t the Enterprise, it was its crew in a Kilngon ship. Oops.
At our local town pool where I have been a member on and off for 29 years the rules are often broken. From relatively minor ones like eat only in designated areas (eating food or sweets near the pool attracts flies and wasps) to important safety rules like no using the diving boards when the lanes are open for lap swimming (you could land on a swimmer under water that you didn’t see) or no diving in the 4’8” area ( you could hit the bottom and break your neck) note I actually knew someone who did that years ago! So it is really annoying when I speak up to the life guards and they consider me a nuisance and/or to the manager who says he’ll say something but deep down you know he won’t. Many times the ones actually breaking the rules are the lifeguards themselves and I will tell them they are setting a bad example to the younger kids! So as much as I love going to the pool (it is my escape) it is also stressful, do I hold my tongue or speak up?
Good for you for speaking up, Alison! As a former Minnesotan, I yield to no one in my respect for water safety. You are protecting those young idiots when you speak up for the rules!
"On the subway, we can ask each other to please use headphones and extinguish that blunt." I fear you have not been on a USA subway in quite some time. The "please" person is as likely to get a punch in the mouth as rueful compliance. While everyone else in the car rolls his or her eyes to say, "What did you expect to happen?"
Sigh. I try to be optimistic and hope that people will respond to polite requests. But you are right—the last time I was on the New York subway was about ten years ago. But I ride the DC metro a few times a year, and it does seem more civilized!
I've been watching the Swiss news recently, and apart from some terrible floods, it seems like someone was a bit too much of a busybody - the story as I understand was that a German tourist who goes by the name "Heidi" - the most Swiss of names! - but is Heidemarie in her passport, had an online ticket for a train where you need to enter your name so you can't just print lots of copies for different people. I gather that she's "Heidi" on her bank statements and German railpass and pretty much everything else except her passport.
The ticket inspector decided that Heidemarie and its short form Heidi were different enough that they not only fined her and made her buy a new ticket, but also added an extra 100 francs penalty for attempted fraud, on top of the around 100 francs penalty for not having a valid ticket.
The good news is that a Swiss person in the carriage spoke up, and when the inspector refused to back down, took out their own credit card and paid the bill. Then they went to the media. Result: they got their money back with an apology, and the railway company is looking very bad indeed in the media and people's online comments.
I'm all for people using headphones on trains, not putting their feet on the seats, and stepping out into the corridor when they have to take a phone call. But it seems like someone did too much even for the Swiss sense of following the rules, here. Also having a go at someone for using the name Heidi is a very unSwiss kind of thing to do.
Whoa, that is an all-around fantastic story! I love the rough justice of the woman speaking—and paying—up for Heidi, and I’m glad to hear that justice won in the end. I think we need to distinguish between speaking up to advocate for our own and others’ comfort and safety on the one hand, and on senseless punctiliousness on the other. My name on my passport and all my official documents is different from that on my birth certificate and social security card, and I am always worried that some uptight bureaucrat will decide to make my life miserable because of it. Common sense, please!
“On the subway, we can ask each other to please use headphones and extinguish that blunt.”
I like this idea… but I’m never going to do it. In the U.S. we don’t have a Swiss culture. We have a combative culture. People who are listening to their music out loud or smoking a blunt on the subway already understand that other people don’t like it. It isn’t an innocent mistake, like your failure to get a dog ticket. Annoying other people is part of the point. It’s narcissistic—see me! I am here—and it’s sociopathic—the burden on others is the point. It’s a projection of power.
And, for better or worse, in the U.S. your fellow citizens are a lot more likely to be carrying the means to harm you.
But mainly it’s the culture. We have bred ourselves a culture of obstreperous, potentially lethal jackasses. And it’s not something you can fix unilaterally.
You make a good point about the additional threat of violence for speaking up in the US. And I agree that a lot of that behavior is intended to annoy and dominate other people. I keep coming back to the idea of “be the second person,” though. If someone starts speaking up for considerate behavior, we can hope that someone else will join in too, as happened with me on that Chicago bus. Because I don’t think anyone likes being subjected to such rude and even abusive behavior when we’re out in public.
Yeah, I agree. And I do suspect people are less likely to escalate when more than one person is condemning them.
My perspective may be a little bit colored by having been involved in a sprawling brawl on the DC subway where, to humanity’s credit, bystanders joined in to protect someone who was being attacked. It was scary, though, and I often think of how it could have gone wrong. But we did get the attackers off the train and keep them from coming back on!
Wow—I am really impressed by your courage! And I bet the targets were so grateful.
I did very little! I was, haha, the second person. A young guy tackled the primary assailant and pushed him out of the subway car; his friends followed them out onto the platform. All this happened in what seemed like a blur, while I felt like I was stuck in slow motion trying to figure out how to react. But eventually I kind of came unstuck, and I ran out into the platform and grabbed the young guy, who by this time was in the middle of a scrum of attackers, and hauled him back into the train car. Then a bunch of people stood in the doors so the attackers couldn’t come back in until someone could get the engineer to close the doors.
It was 100 percent a group effort — but you’re right about the importance of that first young guy who put himself on the line. It unblocked the dam for a whole bunch of other people to stand up and take group action.
But, again — in hindsight it was kind of risky, too. These were just kids who wanted a fight and nobody pulled a gun or a knife. But that possibility lurks. I get why people get stuck and don’t do anything.
Wow! You are right that the first person it’s important, but the second person—you!—is too! You got the victim out of danger.
Sadly, this is all true! I can’t help but think of that one scene in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, the movie where the Enterprise has to go back in time to the 1980s to save the whales. Kirk and Spock are on a city bus in San Francisco and a dude in a punk getup is blasting his boombox. Kirk asks him to turn it down, the punk turns it up louder. Finally, Spock reaches over and gives the punk the Vulcan nerve pinch and he slumps over, knocking the boombox into silence. Everyone applauds.
On a more serious note, 30+ years later I still regret not speaking up when coming across a group of young men throwing rocks at a snake on a hiking trail. In my defense, I was a young woman hiking alone and I did not feel comfortable confronting the group. I like to think I would have done so had there been more people around.
I remember seeing that movie in the theater, and when Spock shut down the boombox, the audience clapped!
And definitely don’t feel guilty about not speaking up about the snake. That could have become a dangerous situation for you. I wish I had been there with you. I love snakes, and we could have confronted the young men together.
Thank you for understanding!
And as a Trekkie I can’t believe I just wrote that the Enterprise went back in time. It wasn’t the Enterprise, it was its crew in a Kilngon ship. Oops.
Ha ha!
At our local town pool where I have been a member on and off for 29 years the rules are often broken. From relatively minor ones like eat only in designated areas (eating food or sweets near the pool attracts flies and wasps) to important safety rules like no using the diving boards when the lanes are open for lap swimming (you could land on a swimmer under water that you didn’t see) or no diving in the 4’8” area ( you could hit the bottom and break your neck) note I actually knew someone who did that years ago! So it is really annoying when I speak up to the life guards and they consider me a nuisance and/or to the manager who says he’ll say something but deep down you know he won’t. Many times the ones actually breaking the rules are the lifeguards themselves and I will tell them they are setting a bad example to the younger kids! So as much as I love going to the pool (it is my escape) it is also stressful, do I hold my tongue or speak up?
Good for you for speaking up, Alison! As a former Minnesotan, I yield to no one in my respect for water safety. You are protecting those young idiots when you speak up for the rules!
"On the subway, we can ask each other to please use headphones and extinguish that blunt." I fear you have not been on a USA subway in quite some time. The "please" person is as likely to get a punch in the mouth as rueful compliance. While everyone else in the car rolls his or her eyes to say, "What did you expect to happen?"
Sigh. I try to be optimistic and hope that people will respond to polite requests. But you are right—the last time I was on the New York subway was about ten years ago. But I ride the DC metro a few times a year, and it does seem more civilized!
I've been watching the Swiss news recently, and apart from some terrible floods, it seems like someone was a bit too much of a busybody - the story as I understand was that a German tourist who goes by the name "Heidi" - the most Swiss of names! - but is Heidemarie in her passport, had an online ticket for a train where you need to enter your name so you can't just print lots of copies for different people. I gather that she's "Heidi" on her bank statements and German railpass and pretty much everything else except her passport.
The ticket inspector decided that Heidemarie and its short form Heidi were different enough that they not only fined her and made her buy a new ticket, but also added an extra 100 francs penalty for attempted fraud, on top of the around 100 francs penalty for not having a valid ticket.
The good news is that a Swiss person in the carriage spoke up, and when the inspector refused to back down, took out their own credit card and paid the bill. Then they went to the media. Result: they got their money back with an apology, and the railway company is looking very bad indeed in the media and people's online comments.
I'm all for people using headphones on trains, not putting their feet on the seats, and stepping out into the corridor when they have to take a phone call. But it seems like someone did too much even for the Swiss sense of following the rules, here. Also having a go at someone for using the name Heidi is a very unSwiss kind of thing to do.
Whoa, that is an all-around fantastic story! I love the rough justice of the woman speaking—and paying—up for Heidi, and I’m glad to hear that justice won in the end. I think we need to distinguish between speaking up to advocate for our own and others’ comfort and safety on the one hand, and on senseless punctiliousness on the other. My name on my passport and all my official documents is different from that on my birth certificate and social security card, and I am always worried that some uptight bureaucrat will decide to make my life miserable because of it. Common sense, please!