I wish that in 20 years the journalists writing these vapid paeans to polyamory would check back in on their subjects. They won’t of course. But I wish they would.
Yeah, it’s hard to imagine that the polycules will still be going strong, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, and all the goodness that comes with commitment.
Thank you for this! I could’t have said it better myself. More than one friend of mine is poly, and in the far-left subcultures I hang out in, it’s treated as completely unremarkable. To say that I don’t share that blasé perspective would be a gross understatement. I’m not mad or angry, I’m baffled and confused. I have a harder time relating to my poly friends abour poly than I do talking with Christian evangelicals. That is to say, poly makes me feel a sense of alienated estrangement. Like, why would anyone think it’s *fun*? In particular, the idea of someone *not* seeking a monogamous partner over the long term (regardless of their sexual orientation or desire to get married) is just… strange to me. I sincerely, truly Do Not Understand the desire to *stay* poly, much less the media tendency to glamorize it. I get why someone might experiment with poly for a time; I don’t understand its putative long-term appeal at all.
I also grew up to parents who were happily married, and both sets of grandparents were too. I’m deeply accustomed to the idea that long-term monogomany *can* work. Not saying that it *does* work, or that it *will*—but that it *can.*
Yeah, I don't get it either. Polyamory just seems like a recipe for constant conflict and drama. But some people like that, I guess. I'm perfectly happy to let them enjoy their lives as they see fit, but it is irritating that the elite media has decided to try to persuade us to this way of living, when we have found our own way that works for us!
Apparently, every column written on this or any other sexually-deviate behavior must include “I'm perfectly happy to let them enjoy their lives as they see fit.” I am not sure that is a helpful attitude, although of course “tolerance” has become firmly installed in the pantheon of our new gods.
It would be one thing if people lived their alternate lifestyles quietly and respectfully of the “normies.” But that is not the way it goes . . . the alternative lifestyle has not only to be tolerated but celebrated ("let's have a parade!") . . . and those who are being tolerated are allowed not only to flaunt their deviate behavior but demand the right to encourage, proselytize for others to wallow in their behavior, even to the children.
The Gods of the Copybook Headings decreed “one rotten apple spoils the barrel.” That truth seems to be playing out as the rot spreads in our society.
So it has always been: in the biblical book of Judges, the repeated decay and tribulation of the tribes always followed the observation that “each man did what was right in his own eyes.” Extreme individualism, just like now.
When each person is his or her own god and sets his or her own behavior to his or her own appetite, the end is nigh.
I mean, I would even be willing to go so far as to endorse a parade. Parades are fun! But I draw the line at being scolded and condescended to because my choices are different (and, I would venture to add, more functional if less dramatic) than theirs.
If anything, I think you've given them more consideration than they deserve! I don't believe that it's even about hormones. Always seemed like fake libertinism for neurotics to me ...
Your writing is heart (and head) felt. So much insight. This topic is so tedious--and on a par with is Biden too old to be president and is Trump too nuts. Sigh
Mari! Yes! Thank you for this. And the pictures of your parents? Priceless. They set a good example for all of us. I remember their love even when we were teens and unimpressed with parents. They stood out as extraordinary, so kind and gentle with each other. And I ADORE the image you've set in my mind of you and Matt holding hands walking with Lynn to the bakery. Love to you all on this day set aside for lovers. xoxoxo
My parents really were such terrific role models for my brother, for me, and for all our friends when we were growing up. (To say nothing of the pizza they made for everyone on Friday nights!) Love and hugs to you, dear friend!
I wish that in 20 years the journalists writing these vapid paeans to polyamory would check back in on their subjects. They won’t of course. But I wish they would.
Yeah, it’s hard to imagine that the polycules will still be going strong, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, and all the goodness that comes with commitment.
Such a wonderful read! The pictures warm my heart too. Thank you from an old married lady who would not have it any other way!
Same here! We old married ladies might actually know something about what will make people happy!
Thank you for this! I could’t have said it better myself. More than one friend of mine is poly, and in the far-left subcultures I hang out in, it’s treated as completely unremarkable. To say that I don’t share that blasé perspective would be a gross understatement. I’m not mad or angry, I’m baffled and confused. I have a harder time relating to my poly friends abour poly than I do talking with Christian evangelicals. That is to say, poly makes me feel a sense of alienated estrangement. Like, why would anyone think it’s *fun*? In particular, the idea of someone *not* seeking a monogamous partner over the long term (regardless of their sexual orientation or desire to get married) is just… strange to me. I sincerely, truly Do Not Understand the desire to *stay* poly, much less the media tendency to glamorize it. I get why someone might experiment with poly for a time; I don’t understand its putative long-term appeal at all.
I also grew up to parents who were happily married, and both sets of grandparents were too. I’m deeply accustomed to the idea that long-term monogomany *can* work. Not saying that it *does* work, or that it *will*—but that it *can.*
Yeah, I don't get it either. Polyamory just seems like a recipe for constant conflict and drama. But some people like that, I guess. I'm perfectly happy to let them enjoy their lives as they see fit, but it is irritating that the elite media has decided to try to persuade us to this way of living, when we have found our own way that works for us!
Apparently, every column written on this or any other sexually-deviate behavior must include “I'm perfectly happy to let them enjoy their lives as they see fit.” I am not sure that is a helpful attitude, although of course “tolerance” has become firmly installed in the pantheon of our new gods.
It would be one thing if people lived their alternate lifestyles quietly and respectfully of the “normies.” But that is not the way it goes . . . the alternative lifestyle has not only to be tolerated but celebrated ("let's have a parade!") . . . and those who are being tolerated are allowed not only to flaunt their deviate behavior but demand the right to encourage, proselytize for others to wallow in their behavior, even to the children.
The Gods of the Copybook Headings decreed “one rotten apple spoils the barrel.” That truth seems to be playing out as the rot spreads in our society.
So it has always been: in the biblical book of Judges, the repeated decay and tribulation of the tribes always followed the observation that “each man did what was right in his own eyes.” Extreme individualism, just like now.
When each person is his or her own god and sets his or her own behavior to his or her own appetite, the end is nigh.
I mean, I would even be willing to go so far as to endorse a parade. Parades are fun! But I draw the line at being scolded and condescended to because my choices are different (and, I would venture to add, more functional if less dramatic) than theirs.
If anything, I think you've given them more consideration than they deserve! I don't believe that it's even about hormones. Always seemed like fake libertinism for neurotics to me ...
Ha! Yes! And self-righteous and smug about it too!
Your writing is heart (and head) felt. So much insight. This topic is so tedious--and on a par with is Biden too old to be president and is Trump too nuts. Sigh
Ha! Exactly! I promise I will never post about either of these tedious topics!
Amen to this post!!!! I wholeheartedly agree with you🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️
Thanks, Sam!
Mari! Yes! Thank you for this. And the pictures of your parents? Priceless. They set a good example for all of us. I remember their love even when we were teens and unimpressed with parents. They stood out as extraordinary, so kind and gentle with each other. And I ADORE the image you've set in my mind of you and Matt holding hands walking with Lynn to the bakery. Love to you all on this day set aside for lovers. xoxoxo
My parents really were such terrific role models for my brother, for me, and for all our friends when we were growing up. (To say nothing of the pizza they made for everyone on Friday nights!) Love and hugs to you, dear friend!
To forestall any linguistic confusion: polygamy is having more than one legal spouse, polyamory is just screwing around.
Ha! Well said!