I would present family dinner as a form of love language. We have always made a point of having dinner together as a family whenever possible, to the point of not eating until 8pm on the days I worked at the hospital, because that's when I would be home from my shift (ironically, 8pm is normal for dinner in Spain, where I'm living now). Even after the kids went to college--in Pittsburgh, where we live--we continued to have dinner together on Sundays, a sacred event that is now officially called "Fam Dinner." We have even done Fam Dinners while Arthur and I have been overseas this past year. It's about the food, yes, but also the connection and enjoying being together.
Also Deborah Tannen needs to have her head examined if she is trying to pass off criticism as love. Criticism is not love. Not ever. There's no excuse for parents being critical of their kids. Parental concerns can be expressed, but in a loving way, not as criticism--the two things are distinctly and radically different.
Yes to family dinner! It is such an important way to spend time and check in, even if only for half an hour.
And yeah, I think Deborah Tannen has Stockholm syndrome, because of you listen to the interview or read the article, it is shocking how horrible the little comments are that she tries to “reframe” as love. I would gently suggest that comments that are truly loving don’t need reframing.
I've seen parallel play on a lists of autistic and neurodivergent love languages.
Basically spending time together doing you own thing, not needing to directly interact.
I'm not autistic but do have ADHD which makes me "neurodivergent" I suppose. But I doubt this love language is reserved for neurodivergent people. It may be more prevalent among introverts perhaps.
But yeah, I know I am close to someone of I am able to enjoy comfortable silences in their presence
To me this is a form of quality time actually, even though quality time is usually framed only as those times you are giving your partner active attention.
I love the story about the waitress. (I've also cherished for years a few kind remarks from strangers - they mean so much, I think, because they're coming from a place of impartial honesty.) And I particularly love your suggestion that connecting people by hosting parties, matchmaking, etc, is an underrated way of showing love - especially now, when the norm is online connection and the expectation is that everyone is responsible for solving the problem of their loneliness alone.
What an excellent point about impartial strangers! I had never thought about this before, but you are right. All the more reason to speak up when we see something nice.
I had never previously considered that the list of love languages might include some that are downright harmful. I suppose it’s possible that abuse — verbal, physical, or even sexual — might be some people’s love language. (What a joyful Mother’s Day thought.)
Yeah. I mean, the official list of five is all nice stuff, but so many people seem to believe that criticizing and cutting others down (so they won’t get their hopes up?) are ways to show they care. I don’t buy it.
I would present family dinner as a form of love language. We have always made a point of having dinner together as a family whenever possible, to the point of not eating until 8pm on the days I worked at the hospital, because that's when I would be home from my shift (ironically, 8pm is normal for dinner in Spain, where I'm living now). Even after the kids went to college--in Pittsburgh, where we live--we continued to have dinner together on Sundays, a sacred event that is now officially called "Fam Dinner." We have even done Fam Dinners while Arthur and I have been overseas this past year. It's about the food, yes, but also the connection and enjoying being together.
Also Deborah Tannen needs to have her head examined if she is trying to pass off criticism as love. Criticism is not love. Not ever. There's no excuse for parents being critical of their kids. Parental concerns can be expressed, but in a loving way, not as criticism--the two things are distinctly and radically different.
Yes to family dinner! It is such an important way to spend time and check in, even if only for half an hour.
And yeah, I think Deborah Tannen has Stockholm syndrome, because of you listen to the interview or read the article, it is shocking how horrible the little comments are that she tries to “reframe” as love. I would gently suggest that comments that are truly loving don’t need reframing.
Agree! Hurt is not love--although many abusers insist otherwise. Ugh.
The best love language is Klingon.
I laughed out loud at this!
I think pets are and have the BEST love languages, hands down. And they certainly check all of your five love language boxes. I rest my case.
Oh, this is a perfect answer! Pets’ love is truly unconditional, and they’re a lot of fun too!
I've seen parallel play on a lists of autistic and neurodivergent love languages.
Basically spending time together doing you own thing, not needing to directly interact.
I'm not autistic but do have ADHD which makes me "neurodivergent" I suppose. But I doubt this love language is reserved for neurodivergent people. It may be more prevalent among introverts perhaps.
But yeah, I know I am close to someone of I am able to enjoy comfortable silences in their presence
To me this is a form of quality time actually, even though quality time is usually framed only as those times you are giving your partner active attention.
Oh this is a great one! I am a huge fan of doing our own thing, but together.
I love the story about the waitress. (I've also cherished for years a few kind remarks from strangers - they mean so much, I think, because they're coming from a place of impartial honesty.) And I particularly love your suggestion that connecting people by hosting parties, matchmaking, etc, is an underrated way of showing love - especially now, when the norm is online connection and the expectation is that everyone is responsible for solving the problem of their loneliness alone.
What an excellent point about impartial strangers! I had never thought about this before, but you are right. All the more reason to speak up when we see something nice.
I had never previously considered that the list of love languages might include some that are downright harmful. I suppose it’s possible that abuse — verbal, physical, or even sexual — might be some people’s love language. (What a joyful Mother’s Day thought.)
Yeah. I mean, the official list of five is all nice stuff, but so many people seem to believe that criticizing and cutting others down (so they won’t get their hopes up?) are ways to show they care. I don’t buy it.