Ha! Loved this one and I agree with you, as usual—though I was a happier man before you introduced me to butter boards.
I'll offer my middle ground: I keep sourdough in the freezer and wine in the cupboard. When people come over, I warm some bread and serve it with wine and one tasteful, less-is-more accompaniment. Olive oil with black pepper and fresh lemon zest, butter whipped with a bit of parmesan, that kind of thing. If I can't make it while the bread is in the oven it's too complex.
To your point, nobody wants to stare down the barrel of a ten-item charcuterie board at 3 p.m. Bread, olive oil, and a glass of wine (or espresso if it's morning) seems much more inviting to me.
Thank you so much for this wonderful hosting tip! I am much more a savory than a sweets kind of person, so this is exactly the kind of thing I prefer to serve! And yes, why does everyone serve so much food at 3pm?! One thing, people! One thing!
I really like this, Mari. Cooking and baking for others is a way I indulge my creativity, but I can also feel the burden of expectations, even if they are more in my head than actually spoken aloud. One thing I’ve tried to get comfortable with is I don’t make coffee in the house, only tea (because I don’t like coffee all that much). I worry about it for guests, but I tell myself it’s OK, and people who come over a lot know I won’t have coffee for them. Sometimes they bring their own (for brunch), which is fine by me! Also, I always loved your coffee during our long ago play dates—which shows it’s the company as well as the food that makes time together enjoyable.
I am glad you enjoy cooking and baking, because you are very good at it! And don’t feel guilty about the coffee issue: There is no obligation to have coffee on hand just in case! I am an inveterate coffee-drinker, as you know, but I and my caffeine sisterhood are perfectly fine with tea (or water). The important thing, as you say, is the company!
I too am not a coffee drinker, and yet for years I would make coffee for book groups, etc. About ten years ago I realized that I don't have to do that, so now I only serve tea. No one seems to mind - although it may help that like you I also like to bake and always have something fresh out of the oven. :)
Awwww. Thanks for the support. I keep reading in Miss Manners about people who show at up other people's houses expecting restaurant treatment. I have no friends like that, thank goodness. It's good to know that people appreciate what we have to offer, not what they would most like.
Sometime you should get hold of that midcentury gem, “The I Hate to Cook Cookbook”, which your cheery post reminded me of. It’s not quite what it sounds: it really is a book of recipes, with attitude, even amusing. I keep it for nostalgia and as a potential
survival guide. She could be the spirit of the anti-potlatch though not of an anti-potluck movement. Potluck I think she would approve. One woman, one dish! Forgot her name.
I think one difference is that for many Americans - our grandmothers grew up in large families. I expect that all through her Missouri girlhood my maternal grandmother socialized principally with relatives, which pretty much everyone within a few miles was, in some fashion. You don't try to impress your sister when she casually drops by ...
(A woman I worked with and liked, on the subject of whom we went to prom with: her cousin - this in an Iowa farming community. The farmgirl in her showed up in this, as well - she didn't understand having a dog in the house, and didn't seem like she would ever do that.)
My husband's grandmother I think of as almost a recluse - she was not a clubwoman, and disenchanted with the Church of Christ for peculiar reasons, she was not a churchgoer. So she was an anomaly in her small town, having as friends - apart from a period when she worked and would have had that acquaintance - really only her hairdresser, the woman who helped her at the bank, with whom she occasionally lunched - and rather formal relations with her neighbor, Mrs. Touchstone, who either was much older than she or else she regarded as her social superior. I would hear reference to Mrs. Touchstone, after entering the family, and once inquired "how long has Mrs. Touchstone lived across the street?" [meaning, how have they never gotten onto a first-name basis?!]. Oh, forty years or more. Eventually, it was she who found Mrs. Touchstone's body.
So she was a little bit socially crippled. But - she had (had had) numerous siblings, and nieces and nephews, including a less-favorite sister in town. There were family reunions and frequent funerals. She felt no lack because this large extended family along with her own was her social world.
It may have been thus for lots of people. And even with neighbors, when one drops in - there's no expectation that there should be anything, beyond coffee at most and once-upon-a-time, cigarettes.
So the insecurity may also be born of atomization, a little bit. We aren't quite as close to the people we are close enough to break bread with. Or quite as comfortable with them, though hopefully that develops in time.
I feel this so much! Having been treated to warm hospitality and lavish spreads, I feel compelled to do more, but I don’t have the gift of being a perfect hostess—so the stress! We need to go back to something less instagram-worthy and sustainable so we can invite people over to our lived-in house on a whim and enjoy spontaneous gatherings where the food is small and the laughs and warmth are big.
The only reason I serve more than one thing when a group of people comes over is that some of my friends have dietary restrictions, and I cannot always make one thing that will cover all the requirements. I usually bake one item and then also set out one kind of cut fruit or berries and a bowl of nuts.
I love this and I adore the Maniscalco bit. My best friend in high school used to tease us because whenever anyone left the house after a visit the whole family would go to the door and wave.
Once, a couple of guy friends stopped by the house and my dad, little brother (in pjs), and the family dog stayed in the foyer with us the whole time. 😂
Aww, that is adorable! Our family used to do the whole-family wave too—sometimes we’d follow our guests out to the driveway (but never in our pajamas).
Our two Cairn terriers do such a good job licking clean dishes, pots and pans, cutting boards that I sometimes tell my wife I just put the items back directly in the cabinet after being licked clean. I do no such thing, but it drives my wife so nuts that she gets them down and rewashes. The dogs enjoy themselves, and I get double-washed dishes.
Ha! Loved this one and I agree with you, as usual—though I was a happier man before you introduced me to butter boards.
I'll offer my middle ground: I keep sourdough in the freezer and wine in the cupboard. When people come over, I warm some bread and serve it with wine and one tasteful, less-is-more accompaniment. Olive oil with black pepper and fresh lemon zest, butter whipped with a bit of parmesan, that kind of thing. If I can't make it while the bread is in the oven it's too complex.
To your point, nobody wants to stare down the barrel of a ten-item charcuterie board at 3 p.m. Bread, olive oil, and a glass of wine (or espresso if it's morning) seems much more inviting to me.
Thank you so much for this wonderful hosting tip! I am much more a savory than a sweets kind of person, so this is exactly the kind of thing I prefer to serve! And yes, why does everyone serve so much food at 3pm?! One thing, people! One thing!
I really like this, Mari. Cooking and baking for others is a way I indulge my creativity, but I can also feel the burden of expectations, even if they are more in my head than actually spoken aloud. One thing I’ve tried to get comfortable with is I don’t make coffee in the house, only tea (because I don’t like coffee all that much). I worry about it for guests, but I tell myself it’s OK, and people who come over a lot know I won’t have coffee for them. Sometimes they bring their own (for brunch), which is fine by me! Also, I always loved your coffee during our long ago play dates—which shows it’s the company as well as the food that makes time together enjoyable.
I am glad you enjoy cooking and baking, because you are very good at it! And don’t feel guilty about the coffee issue: There is no obligation to have coffee on hand just in case! I am an inveterate coffee-drinker, as you know, but I and my caffeine sisterhood are perfectly fine with tea (or water). The important thing, as you say, is the company!
I too am not a coffee drinker, and yet for years I would make coffee for book groups, etc. About ten years ago I realized that I don't have to do that, so now I only serve tea. No one seems to mind - although it may help that like you I also like to bake and always have something fresh out of the oven. :)
Yes! This coffee-drinker assures you that you don’t have to make coffee for us. Water is fine!
Awwww. Thanks for the support. I keep reading in Miss Manners about people who show at up other people's houses expecting restaurant treatment. I have no friends like that, thank goodness. It's good to know that people appreciate what we have to offer, not what they would most like.
Sometime you should get hold of that midcentury gem, “The I Hate to Cook Cookbook”, which your cheery post reminded me of. It’s not quite what it sounds: it really is a book of recipes, with attitude, even amusing. I keep it for nostalgia and as a potential
survival guide. She could be the spirit of the anti-potlatch though not of an anti-potluck movement. Potluck I think she would approve. One woman, one dish! Forgot her name.
My mom had that book! (My mom really did hate to cook.) Peg Bracken was her name, I think? And yes, potluck is much better than potlatch!
I think one difference is that for many Americans - our grandmothers grew up in large families. I expect that all through her Missouri girlhood my maternal grandmother socialized principally with relatives, which pretty much everyone within a few miles was, in some fashion. You don't try to impress your sister when she casually drops by ...
(A woman I worked with and liked, on the subject of whom we went to prom with: her cousin - this in an Iowa farming community. The farmgirl in her showed up in this, as well - she didn't understand having a dog in the house, and didn't seem like she would ever do that.)
My husband's grandmother I think of as almost a recluse - she was not a clubwoman, and disenchanted with the Church of Christ for peculiar reasons, she was not a churchgoer. So she was an anomaly in her small town, having as friends - apart from a period when she worked and would have had that acquaintance - really only her hairdresser, the woman who helped her at the bank, with whom she occasionally lunched - and rather formal relations with her neighbor, Mrs. Touchstone, who either was much older than she or else she regarded as her social superior. I would hear reference to Mrs. Touchstone, after entering the family, and once inquired "how long has Mrs. Touchstone lived across the street?" [meaning, how have they never gotten onto a first-name basis?!]. Oh, forty years or more. Eventually, it was she who found Mrs. Touchstone's body.
So she was a little bit socially crippled. But - she had (had had) numerous siblings, and nieces and nephews, including a less-favorite sister in town. There were family reunions and frequent funerals. She felt no lack because this large extended family along with her own was her social world.
It may have been thus for lots of people. And even with neighbors, when one drops in - there's no expectation that there should be anything, beyond coffee at most and once-upon-a-time, cigarettes.
So the insecurity may also be born of atomization, a little bit. We aren't quite as close to the people we are close enough to break bread with. Or quite as comfortable with them, though hopefully that develops in time.
This is an excellent point. We have different standards for family and for acquaintances. Poor Mrs. Touchstone. It sounds like she was lonely.
I feel this so much! Having been treated to warm hospitality and lavish spreads, I feel compelled to do more, but I don’t have the gift of being a perfect hostess—so the stress! We need to go back to something less instagram-worthy and sustainable so we can invite people over to our lived-in house on a whim and enjoy spontaneous gatherings where the food is small and the laughs and warmth are big.
I love this comment, especially your last line!
Company is Coming is my go-to for making my mom calm down over her hostessing, complete with the same line. "We can't let people know we SIT!"
I love it! As a mom who has been known to go a bit overboard before company comes myself, I can attest that the video is funny because it’s true!
The only reason I serve more than one thing when a group of people comes over is that some of my friends have dietary restrictions, and I cannot always make one thing that will cover all the requirements. I usually bake one item and then also set out one kind of cut fruit or berries and a bowl of nuts.
Very sensible!
I am in full agreement and will be doing this myself!!!
Wonderful!
I love this and I adore the Maniscalco bit. My best friend in high school used to tease us because whenever anyone left the house after a visit the whole family would go to the door and wave.
Once, a couple of guy friends stopped by the house and my dad, little brother (in pjs), and the family dog stayed in the foyer with us the whole time. 😂
Aww, that is adorable! Our family used to do the whole-family wave too—sometimes we’d follow our guests out to the driveway (but never in our pajamas).
"And how do you clean the greasy board afterwards?" Have you no dog, Madam?
😂 Omg, my dog would be soooooo happy to take on this task! But then we would have to treat the licked-on board as a biohazard!
Our two Cairn terriers do such a good job licking clean dishes, pots and pans, cutting boards that I sometimes tell my wife I just put the items back directly in the cabinet after being licked clean. I do no such thing, but it drives my wife so nuts that she gets them down and rewashes. The dogs enjoy themselves, and I get double-washed dishes.
A win-win! Seriously, my dog wants to move on with you!